I have been journaling everyday for a few years now. Here’s what i wrote in my morning journal today — 15th July 2021. It felt useful to share it here. I haven’t edited it, its word for word as i wrote it to keep the authenticity (grammar mistakes and nonsensical wording in tact!)
What i realise now is that all i wanted to learn all my life was to get out of my head, all the things i did through life were my spirit desperate to feel alive, laying dormant this whole time. The feminine, the sensing, the natural, the illogical, this side is super under-developed in all people as we are in a world run by thinkers.
So slowly the brain wishes to find ways to get out of it unconsciously through travel etc. The schools taught us to be intellectual but not intuitive, as the people who run the schools (at the top) dont get it themselves, or they are stuck in sameness, traditional nonsense.
Life is going to evolve slowly into more sensing because it desperately needs it, life ran by the thinking is stupid, its nonsense and why every single problem exists, ego driven not heart.
So i realise now only this heart is what i craved so i now metaphorically cut my head off and only use it if absolutely necessary. For all else i have this lovely ability which has desperately been trying to come out in me and other human beings for years, the truth…covered by intellect believing its the master, but in truth, us forgetting we are the observer with an ability to see all of this and use all of it consciously, body mind, heart. They are our tools, our complete human experience
I spent all of my life running away from the mind, but the mind isnt the enemy, its just a tool that i can pickup like a hammer is used for nails and not for painting with. I paint with the heart, i paint my life with the hearts magical golden paint. Or perhaps its colourless, because in the dimension of heart there is no colour, colour is intellects work. In the hearts world, all we have is everything and nothing.
My journey led me to this beautiful discovery, and i would not have it any other way. In this way intellect is useful, because it allows me to comprehend the difference between then and now, when in truth i was the same all along, watching the ride and rooting for myself.
“I” was watching and waiting for me to blossom and create this awareness which knows “I”, it loves I and it loves every other person in this world because it sees them also as “I”
“I” is beyond intellect, its everything connected. And this ability to intuitively and intellectually understand it at the same time is when the true “I” appears, the one of Infinity, Ultimate intelligence. Yoga just means Unity, and i truly understand it now as a felt sense, a knowing.
The past me would have been intellectually “atheist”, but atheist in itself is having a belief, its believing in nothing. Where as now i have developed into saying i believe in not believing, in that which cannot be believed because believing it would limit it to intellect! That which is not, the bigger whole, that’s the only words i can put to this feeling that i have cultivated, even calling it spiritual would limit it !
Thanks for reading my right brain ramblings
I would love to hear what came up for you after you read this, drop me a message