Why Every Relationship You Have Comes Down to One Core Pattern
Here’s what I’ve learnt about relationships.
Not just romantic ones — every relationship.
How you relate to men.
How you relate to women.
How you relate to colleagues, clients, bosses.
How you relate when you feel attraction, discomfort, intimidation, desire.
It’s all one thing.
**The Cluster F*****
One of my coaches once called it the “Cluster F”* — the way we apply one rule to every person we meet, based on how we see all people.
And at the deepest level, that rule comes from how we saw ourselves in relational to parental and other figures we grow up with.
From a psychological point of view, we don’t relate to people as they are.
We relate to them as projections of our minds desires.
Mother: Attraction, Repulsion, and the Mirror
If your mum was distant, harsh, or emotionally unavailable:
- A man may be drawn to strong women…
- …while also being terrified of them.
- A woman may try to become that same strong figure…
- …while repelling women who carry that energy.
It’s hilarious and tragic.
We try to be it.
We’re attracted to it.
We’re repulsed by it.
People say “opposites attract,” but what I’ve found is this:
People who are like me are the most fun to be around.
Because I get them.
They are me.
We are the same.
It’s why I attract clients who:
- had social anxiety
- are highly driven
- move their bodies
- learn fast
- love learning
- are attractive in the sense that people gravitate to them
And at the same time, many potential clients dislike some things I say.
Because I am them. I’m stirring up what I call their “shadow potential”.
Father: Rebellion, Distance, and the Lone Wolf
If your dad was smothering, controlling, or overbearing:
- You may grow up rebellious
- Mistrusting
- Feeling “not enough”
- Terrified of getting things wrong
If he was distant or absent:
- You may develop the “I have to do it alone” identity
- Hyper-independence
- A deep mistrust of support
I coach women who mistrust men… yet trust me.
I coach men who only know how to be aggressive, shut down, or “Robin looking for Batman” — always looking up to other men instead of being their own man.
It’s time to play Batman.
Or Batgirl.
And that starts with breaking the parental spell.
Why This Matters
Transforming your parental psychology changes everything:
- Leadership
- Money
- Sex
- Confidence
- Health
- Relationships
- Your entire experience of life
Meditation frees you from the noise.
But psychosomatic work transforms the program that creates the noise.
That’s what changed me.
Clients who worked with me years ago don’t recognise me now.
One said:
“I can’t believe the power you’re holding now. You’ve gone from calm mystic to direct, clear leader.”
Why?
Because I cleared the illusions I had in my psychological program. And saw the truth, the love, the reality of the situations, vs a projection created by psychological ideas of what is happening. (they are untrue, but become a habit). Love actually clears all ideas what man and woman should be like, or are like.
It shows us beautiful, exciting, joy filled truths of people. Mum, dad, colleagues, they are all shining stars now.
I see the love, the spirit, in everyone. Because that is beyond the psychosomatic. However it did take me clearing the psychosomatic ghosts, seeing the truth.
Awareness, perception shifts. Change everything. And make everything joyfully clear.
So we no longer live out of psychological ideas, and we rather live by loving existential realities. The mind literally transforms, so do the emotions, and the bodily sensations too. They did for me that is for sure.
How You Can Start (Without Hiring Me)
1. Talk to Your Parents
Yes. Literally.
I started interviewing my dad four years ago.
I was awkward.
Avoidant.
Thirty years of not doing this..
In a meditative state, my grandfather appeared — white clothes, light realm — and said:
“Talk to your dad. The answers are there.”
So I did.
I’ve had clients write letters to their parents, call them on the spot, say the things they’ve held in for decades.
I’ve pushed them because I don’t want them dying with those words inside.
Your dad isn’t the leader anymore.
You are. He will cherish it. Even if they are not with you anymore.
2. Do the Deep Inner Work
Let the tears purge.
Let the inner child break down.
Let the pain move.
I kept men at a distance because of how I saw myself, the childhood pattern of needing to shut myself down around others.
Ayahuasca showed me the truth:
I had disassociated with my father, and my own male wisdom, and replaced it with an angry voice inside me. The beating oneself up, the making myself small.
This became the “male figure” in my psyche.
No wonder I resisted strong men. It was because I rejected my own strong man.
With women, it was the same.
My mum and sisters were warriors — strong and outspoken.
So my projection of it was that they were critical of me. I missed the warmth factor. (despite the fact that they are warm, I simply didn’t see it via my projection)
So I found it difficult to be around strong women.
I felt intimidated, afraid of making mistakes, and being judged.
I found it difficult to lead.
Somatic work, traditional leadership training, and chakra opening rituals— they awakened the raw male energy in me again.
The embodied animal
The loving leader.
The clear headed thinker.
The man with a trident of life within him.
The man who can guide others.
The man who can kill if he had to.
Not that I will — but the energy potency is what it represents.
The Three Questions That Changed Everything
These questions came to me directly during meditative exercises that i do that include breath holding.
1. Am I going to die?
The primal body. The animal. The protector.
2. Am I love?
The mammalian heart. Connection. Lifeforce.
3. Who am I?
The intelligence. The observer. The unmoving truth.
These are representations of voices, parts inside of us. And transforming how they operate, unlock a power within us.
When you operate from all three planes — body, heart, intelligence — you become whole.
Relationships become simple.
Life becomes potent.
Presence becomes your default.
However, the key is that these powers don’t turn against you. Don’t become protective, grasping, fear operating. Instead, they are divine lights. Helping us. Vs hindering.
Beyond Psychology: Becoming Whole
To unlock the power of these planes — mind, energy, body — is elevating in every part of life.
I began to see I could operate from all three to reach my fullest power.
Not restricted by the mind and what I collected from the past.
But unlocking who I truly am.
That makes relationships clearer, simpler, more potent.
I had to understand, see, and transform the stories of male, female, mother, father, and the “Cluster F***.”
And start approaching situations with absolute presence.
Everyone’s different, yes.
But we’re all made of the same stuff.
Same potentials.
Same challenges.
Different stories.
If I help a client change how they relate to people as a whole, male, female, hierarchy figures, career roles, identity within themselves really, their entire life transforms.
The Linchpin
When you transform how you relate to “people as a whole,” you will relate to every singular person with more freedom and power, and connection.
This is the linchpin.
Pull it, and the whole dress falls apart instantly.
No more untangling cords for years.
That’s what I help people do.
Not because they can’t do it alone.
But because I’ve become a highly skilled plumber in this realm. You see a plumber may charge you an amount, but only cos they are the one’s who know how to do it.
Like hiring a violinist to play at a wedding. You can do it yourself, but the violinist knows how to do it.
I bring:
- The heart transformation
- The unlocking of the primal energy
- The freeing arrival of “Who am I?”
And I challenge people to do what they’d never do alone. Get practical, vs theory and collect knowledge. They see results like looking in the mirror does. But from the relational mirror.
My Own Practice
My dad and I now speak monthly for 90 minutes — formal mentoring.
I’ll be doing the same with my mum soon.
I speak to a couple of male coaches I trust.
I’m looking for a female coach again. (I had one for a while and she really helped me)
I’m going to hire an assistant this year.
Because support is power.
And I love being that support for others.
The Real Work
Most people I work with are:
- Fit
- Meditative
- Intelligent
- Driven
You know why?
Because those things don’t involve other people.
But when it comes to relationships —
When it comes to being seen —
They are challenged.
The whole strong facade is gone when it’s with others.
It was the same for me.
Relational mastery is the crem de la crem.
And the liberation. And the thing that will transform every area of life.
Even the body, the body will let go of tensing, holding, and look healthier.
And decisions? Fearless ones will happen, because there is less fear of others, which is why we often overthink.
Transform the Cluster F*** rule, and every relationship transforms with it.
If This Sparked Something
Write to me.
Tell me what came up..
Send me your insights, courageously, and let me know if this is an area you’d like to improve for 2026.
I will show you a model and approach to take. I’ve done this with many leaders, parents, and people in an transition phase of some sort.
Speak soon,
Raj