Namaste.
I have so much i want to share with you. Like two girlfriends who sit there giggling together in a room. So much care and trust for one another. No judgement, no shame, so much safety.
I have become extremely aware of how social psychology can ruin connection between people.
They said as a yogi, you will develop Siddhis, powers.
They never said, these powers would hurt.
I cannot operate in the psychological realm anymore.
It’s what in my first ever coach training, we call, transactional analysis, transference.
When one plays a role of adult, other plays child. Or vice versa. Approval seeking, proving. Grandioise, or totally checked out and the true voice hidden.
This usually comes from either seeing someone as wiser, or better than you. Or seeing them as less than.
There is this bias. Coming usually from how we have seen our parents in relation to us.
Yes, its all a projection. An attempt to survive.
It’s not living.
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Living is when we are with people and we are loving who they are. We do not feel threatened, we do not judge, we do not belittle them.
Older sister to younger brother. Brother plays the kid. That’s been me.
Older sister plays the mum. I’ve nipped that in the bud with my sisters. Shouted at them kindly, snapped them out of the hypnosis they are in.
Playing a role.
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We need not roles.
Even if you’ve played the role of someone your whole life. Quiet one, loud one. Carer of others. Shy one. Unconfident one. Very confident one.
There’s always room for something new.
Whatever is not serving you. Whatever keeps resulting in lonely, frustrated, confused. Its coming from you, not anyone else.
Its your role, rubbing off on them, and then they play their role
We can argue, as i did about my sisters, to tell them to stop.
However, the thing i’ve seen work best, is when i stop the role.
I drop it. I don’t play it, so it dies itself.
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This is what i call leadership.
This may all seem a little complex, but its simply leadership.
I’ve coached 100s of leaders.
And the biggest thing they want help with is how they are with others.
How to lead higher performance, better influencing, more engagement, happier teams.
Well, see how you can conciously use a role
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Wait, i thought you said drop the role raj?
I said drop the unconscious role, the psychological one.
Wear the role if it serves the heart
My clients have written endless amounts about how i played the role for them, how supportive it was.
Its because i have been very conscious, of how i can be helpful to them, by how i speak, what i do, what i say. Every part of it, has been consciously chosen.
Like a magician. All magicians are wildly engaging, for a reason. They know how to make people happy.
You never leave a magician angry do you? wanting to beat them up, fighting.
Yet unfortunately, a lot of leadership, corporate teams, families, friendships, and any engagement, is left with this fight.
Why?
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Well, the role is coming from psychological reactions, masks, hiding, protection, fear, being political, formal.
Its dead.
Its boring.
I’ve stunned some clients before, because they don’t know why the F i said or did this. Unexpected.
Yet their heart signed an agreement with me from the beginning, to let it all be a part of their process.
Leadership.
Is loving others, without the role of psychological power
But with the role, a natural one, a primal one, a family like one, a tribe around a fire kinda one, a “I will kill for you” one.
This is grabbing a sword, and saying. I am with you. Let’s go out there.
And at the same time, never undermining the possibility that someone has. Letting them use their own sword.
Imagine our relationships were this, without any psychological drama.
Quietly supportive.
Without fear driving it. Without any doctrines we took from a conditioned world.
There is nobody who needs you to butt in, save them, from your own fear, or ego driving it.
We don’t like recieving that do we? Its like a creepy sales man. Coming in, pushy. Butting into our nice stroll through a shiny set of cars, having fun. Until they come in and start breathing our air.
Get out of the way.
Whilst being there, serving
That’s the best kind of sales person.
Here, really caring. Not worried about their own sale. Their own bacon.
But really, wanting you to have a great experience on this parking lot
Imagine that is the world we live in, where everyones parking lot we call life, is like that, around each other. Roaming around, like deer, majestically eating, and relating.
This isn’t a jungle.
Even lions don’t fight as often as you think.
Most of the time they are laying down peacefully.
We luckily, are fed. Yet we bark at others when a slight bit of ego gets hurt.
I will stop there. As its time to go to yoga.
Yoga means unity, being together. Lifting fire in ourselves, others. that’s what we are born to be.
I hope this article gives you some of that today.
Raj